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Current Line-up:

Big Daddy Coyne as Studbull – vocals (1994 – Current)
Trip as The Candyman – vocals (1994 – Current)
Chris Faiken as Drunken Stupor – vocals and guitars (1994 – Current)
John Justice as Captain Ernie – drums (1994 – Current)
Jay Kolo as Gorilla Cookie – bass (1994 – Current)
Greg Van Krol as Judge Gregg – guitars (2010 – Current)

Former Members:

Tom Bourne as Kaboom – guitars (1994 – 1999)

This is the story of Studbull’s Disco Biscuit. A story untold until now. I will bring you the facts and you draw your own conclusions.

Studbull, unhappy with his planet, where he is used for the sole purpose of breeding, decides to depart for earth in search of better things. Landing in West Virginia on a cattle farm where Captain Ernie lived, he finds that a boy who can sodomize a sheep with that much rhythm must have a good sense of timing. Having kept his secret, he takes him in and puts him up in his barn.

In the days that followed, Captain Ernie’s cattle were being mauled in a systemic fashion by his foreign friend. (Hey, he’s an alien — that’s what aliens do.) All was fine and good until Captain Ernie’s family found his strange compadre in their barn with their prize winning studbull’s blood covering his body as he chanted, “Studbull you rule” repeatedly while pounding his chest. (Hence the name.) Of course, not understanding a being of this supreme nature combined with him not having a full command of the English language, landed him a trip to the psycho tank.

Upon his stay there he consumes a library full of knowledge and meets a patient who would dress as a doctor and pass out drugs like condiments at a weenie stand. After many stoned evenings he felt that he had gone as far as he could there and fled with his distributing friend Candyman, whom he later renamed Trip, for his personality defects. Broke and nowhere to go they find sanctuary in the cardboard box of Drunken Stupor, a bum who prided himself in his three string guitar and his vast poop collection which he kept in jars for safekeeping. After two days and one too many cans of Spam, they took to the streets to hustle up some money as a three piece minstrel act on the corners of the city. Instantly, their traveling show was having great success on a peddler’s scale. With that, Studbull saw a vision of what he was supposed to do. They earned enough money to bring Captain Ernie down on a bus and rented a spot to being honing their bull given skills.

Meanwhile, back on the isle of Kolo, American scientists capture the island’s god, and what could possibly be the missing link between man and ape. Naturally, they bring him back to America to study and they put him on exhibit at the Natural History Museum. Unaccustomed to his confined surroundings and the diet of bananas and peanuts, he becomes violently ill with painful gastritis; whereupon his outburst destroys his surroundings, setting him free to hunt forth polish boys and pierogies that his diet demands. Following his nose he rounds the corners towards a polish sausage stand where Studbull and company happen to be eating lunch. Sensing his need, Studbull turns to him and hands him a sandwich. They hit it off instantly. Thus rounding off the slap, crackle and pop rhythm section.

Their other guitar player Kaboom was found in a basket on the doorstep of their practice room. Named after the sound that he made when he hit the step, Kaboom was the final component for their funky, chunky, guitar sound. Add the duel vocal stylings and offset timberal wailings of Trip and Studbull to form the entity that would be known as Studbull’s Disco Biscuit.

Soon they were working and pushing a sound as sonically diverse as their backgrounds. That of which gave way to their tongue in cheek toilet bowl humor.

I have witnessed all of this first hand and still no one believes me. Laugh if you must but the fact remains that I know what I have seen. It’s real and it’s creepy. You be the judge.

 

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

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